here it goes again

I'm trying to remember that things always seem bad at first, but then they get better as time goes on and you see that you still breathe in and out, you still laugh, you still enjoy things. Its the end of the semester. I have this awesome video project where I know like 500 people that could do better on it than I can, it scares me like none other because I have no idea what I'm doing and yet still I love it. I have my all-time favorite band's concert tomorrow, I have my birthday, still have the best friends that anyone could ever ask for, and Christmas just around the corner.
And yet...
and yet I wonder.
I look for better things.
I ache for what I don't have.
Never settling for what's good in front of me.
I hate this part of myself sometimes.

christmas garland

DAY 5 WHAT'S IN YOUR PURSE

phone, sunglasses, febreze, sharpie, wristband, lotion, tampon, ipod, earbuds, money, needtobreathe daylight (i need to put it in my car), flash drive, zicam, pens and pencils, 4 gauge tapers, watch, handsanitizer, tape, handcuffs, washers, bolts, hancuff keys, checkbook, more sunglasses, leather cord, wallet, paper sack, ipod case, vaseline, party poppers, necklaces, lots of granola bar crumbs in my actual bag. and my camera would be in there but I had to take the picture.

dot dot dot

I don't need someone on this earth to follow.
I've never hopped on board completely with what Christian authors say about the Bible, ready to follow someone else's interpretations because they sell copies and make people cry.
I've never liked a song just because its on itunes top 10.
I've never joined a club because my friends were in it.
I've never been peer pressured into doing something I didn't want to.
I have a tendency not to change my mind when someone is wanting me to, good or bad :/
Nobody has to tell me that I'm valuable.
I don't know where this adamant, individualistic behavior came from, its certainly something that not a lot of people understand.
I believe that most things are relative because everyone's headed somewhere different, half based on desires and personal priorities, half based on circumstances.
You make your choices, I'll make mine.
But you,
I'd follow you anywhere.
and that scares me.

i dont know what to write

but music speaks.

Beautiful things make me cry.
You know, people, pictures, movies.
Tea and coffee make my tummy hurt at night.
I can't keep my nails painted for more than a day.
Needtobreathe is my happy place.

And... I'm looking forward to Christmas.

You should make a blog too.

dang girl

Its been a crazy awesome week and another one on the way!
I can't believe its almost the end of the semester.
I also can't believe how much I have learned, and how much I love sharing life with these girls in my hall.
My biggest worry over break is what I'm going to do without them.
I'm on the brink of very exciting things, but I love that I have enough to do in the mean time to keep me from freaking out. Here's some pictures I took this weekend in the beautiful fallness.

Day 4 a song that you relate to today




I turn my head 
I can't shake the look you gave 
And I'm good as dead 
Cause oh those eyes are all it takes 
And all I want is you 

So I pull away 
All I do is sit and wait 
And I might as well write the words right on my face 
That all I want is you, oh is you 

Because I've kept my heart under control 
Oh but lately all this time has taken its toll 
Said I tried to but I can't hold back what's deep in my soul 
So darling please forgive me 
I want you and you'll just have to know 

And all my fears creep and crawl across my skin and 
These four walls are after me and moving in 
And all that I want to do 
Is give up, give in, let this one stay where it is 
But I don't suppose I will


Because I've kept my heart under control 
Oh but lately all this time has taken its toll 
Said I tried to but I can't hold back what's deep in my soul 
So darling please forgive me 
I want you and you'll just have to know 

One of these days I'm gonna find myself a way 
I'll find the courage and I'll find the grace 
And I'm gonna know just what to say 
And you'll walk on up when you want this love 
When you've had enough and you've given up 

Because I've kept my heart under control 
Oh but lately all this time has taken its toll 
Said I tried to but I can't hold back what's deep in my soul 
So darling please forgive me 
I want you and you'll just have to know


Let me tell you about nascar, big cities, and the little bit of life I discovered in each of them.
Nascar- do not be fooled by its pretty cars, loud, adrenaline-rushing noises, and fancy stadiums. It is STILL nascar. Behind all of its novelty and excitement, it is still all the stereotypical things you think it is. I'm glad I went. I'm glad I got to see it. But there's the white trash stench of beer and smoke everywhere you go, and almost as many people just like the kind you usually only have to see once a year at the fair.  I did get a little excited as I heard them all take off at once, but once you see 196 laps left on the thingy, you realize its not all its cracked up to be. Also, another problem with my experience- I didn't get to see a wreck.
Big Cities- I belong in one. Walking around downtown Ft. Worth was glorious. The beginnings of Christmas decorations were up and I could have walked around for days just seeing what the city has to offer. I love it and I can't wait to move somewhere like that, to make it my city, know the ins and outs, and show people all of its best kept secrets.

mucus in my brains

A few things have happened the past few days. I enrolled for second semester. I went through another future crisis in which I reevaluated all my recent decisions, had a panic attack about the likelihood that I'll actually be able to get paid for doing what I want to do. Had a panic attack about upcoming concerts. Got some more awesome music.


Here's a verse that I liked this morning.
You have done many good things for me Lord, just as you promised. I believe in your commands; now teach me good judgement and knowledge. Psalm 119:65-66

Day 3- Describe your ideal date
Does this mean describe the person or the activity?
Ok, we'll say its the activity because I still don't know what the person is like


I can either put a lot of thought into this and be accused of being too particular, or say some nice general things like, "My perfect date would have nice conversations and we would walk down a beach talking about world peace." Sorry for the Miss Congeniality reference but that's where my mind goes when asked such a cliche question.


So here goes the scenario with way too much thought put into it...
Be warned though, this date is probably way beyond a male's capabilities just because I am a girl and I think like one and well, guys don't. That's not to say I'm a feminist, although I do have feminist tendencies sometimes. That's a different blog though. Let me just say that I acknowledge that the differences in creativity and date ideas between male and female are God-designed and are wonderful in their own way. That being said, you need to understand that I am neither dependent on or expecting this ideal date, I'm just writing what it told me to. There you have it.


This date could be summed up with one name mentioned and that being it, but I will expound to humor you...


Firstly, it would start with a proper invitation. This is something I think guys need to work on.
By proper, I mean more than "Hey, let's do something sometime." I'm also assuming that this is not the first date. First dates are never the best dates. I would want to be comfortable in order to have my ideal date.


In general I would say the guy would pick me up, but there are circumstances where I understand it being ridiculously inconvenient, so I would drive if I had to.
The date would start with something classy like a concert, a local play, a festival that's in town or seasonal activity like Christmas lights. Something you can't do everyday. Then, there must be food. I'm fully okay with that food being street vendor food, fast food, or steak dinner, as long as both parties are flexible. I'd like to see some lighthearted conversation taking place between my date and the waiter or cashier, just because it means he's not clingy. Dinner should be pleasant and lighthearted and include laughter about the day's events. I'll offer to pay for my share the first few dates, or until the guy knows me well enough to tell me when he's broke and I need to help out in order to continue doing nice things. In which case I would be glad to do so. Of course in this case, he pays. It is ideal after all. 
After food, we play. It has to be something that's just mine and his thing. Like stealing street cones, hanging our feet over a bridge guessing what color the cars are, or expanding our expertise in all things ice cream by systematically searching for the best ice cream in all the land. It doesn't really matter what it is as long as its ours. It can just be driving around, looking at what the world has to offer us, blaring music, whatever. 
After that, we find a place that encourages thought and conversation. Coffee shops, parks, couches, and stars are my favorite, but the place doesn't matter to me really. This is where I talk, I dream, I reminisce. Ideally, I wouldn't get to talk for too long, because I start to say things that don't make much sense. The guy should talk too. It should be fun and honest but nothing too serious. No boringness allowed either. Nothing fake either.
Then, it ends with a jam session. Guitar, keyboard, some car to play drums on, it doesn't matter. We sing and scream and laugh and bond. 
A hug and/or kiss and then we say goodnight.
Then, he texts me when he gets home so I know he isn't dead.
The end.


In light of this blog, I asked some people about their ideal dates
Abbey's ideal date is one where he's hot and opens doors, and they do something new.
Christina's ideal date is a nature walk. She's been talking to me about a nature walk since school started.
On Anne's ideal date she wants to go skydiving and then go eat afterwards so that they don't throw up.
Lauren's ideal date requires a hot boy. She wants to go to Taco Bell and then he will take her on a cruise and then they get married on the boat.
Caitlyn refuses to answer.


Now, a Caitlyn quote. "I CAN HEAR when you're phone buzzes and its the SAME AS WHEN YOU'RE TALKING."

day 2

A photo of something I ate today!!!
A strawberry poptart.
And it was delightful.
I toasted it. Sometimes I'm in a toasted poptart mood and sometimes I'm fine with room temperature.
Sort of a boring blog but at least I did it.