sometimes

Sometimes I want to go out there and work hard for the best the world has to offer. I have the drive, the motivation, the independence.
And sometimes I just don't want to try, and I convince myself that I don't care. Someone else needs to do the hard work or at least help and I'll reap the benefits. I just do not have it in me.
Guess which day it is.

dying.

the following is how my night went last night
1:00 am got in bed
3:14 am opened my eyes because i felt like my legs were bathing in graham cracker crumbs and my stomach hurt
3:24 am got out of bed, proceeded to a community bathroom presumably to throw up
3:30 am got a little bit different of a suprise
3:35 am sat on the floor, facing the toilet, mentally noting the stains and hairs mingling on the toilet seat i was about to put my face in
3:40 am whined the word "mommy"
3:41 am my first wish for death of the night
4:00 am fell asleep on my arm of the side of the toilet, whining
4:15 am looked at my watch, wished that my death was quicker than an hour, more whining
4:44 am thought maybe the worst was over, so went back to bed, whining still
5:47 am woke up again, went back to my special toilet (first stall)
5:52 am went back to the room, got my pillow, blanket, and water bottle and laid on the floor outside the bathroom
7:40 am called zach to take me to the nurse
7:46 am nevermind to zach, thought i was going to throw up in the dorm
7:51 am called zach back, went to the nurse
8:00 am threw up in the nurses office, zach held my hair and gave me tissues. puke came out my nose. my second wish for death.
i'm tired so im not gonna finish this but you get the idea. i went to the doctor, got medicine and slept the rest of the day but so far this is the worst experience of college. i always just want to die anticipating puking but as usual.....
I'll be okay

things i love today

Fall weather
Fall clothes
Switchfoot's Hello Hurricane
This school's hot chocolate
Rearranging the room (pictures to follow)
Reading the Bible and Blue Like Jazz aloud with my roommate
Zumba
Tuesdays

this is abbey. i lock her in this cage everyday from 7 to 9

our new room arrangement

lights out night night

Now, here is a face I would like to have seen today.

Oh miss macey...

Twin to Stevie. FIVE years old almost!

She's very affectionate and very sensitive.

She can pick up on tone like none other.

She loves to wear my orange heels and dress up in my clothes.

She always tells me when I look pretty.

I love watching her cart baby Julie around because its such a picture of sisterhood.

Neither one are comfortable; Julie is too heavy for Macey and Macey just ends up grabbing an arm or wrapping her arms around Julie from behind and dragging her.

But neither one of them mind, they're happy to go where the other one is.

She'll talk your ear off. One more Macey story.

Whenever she sees my pictures of needtobreathe she asks "Is that your 'boys?" She then asks what all their names are-except for one. ;) She happens to know one in particular's name already, and for that I will always love her.

rubber hitting the road

I can live with anything. Life goes on and I'll be okay. The older I get, the quicker I can look back in retrospect and say, " I shouldn't have done that." Take for instance, my photoshop project that I was sick of dedicating my time and effort to, so I just did it to get it done. It looked awful. Its something I would have done in a heartbeat in high school because it didn't matter, but I feel like it does now. I know it wasn't my best and its been eating at me.
Another example, on Thursday, I broke a kindergartener's spirit. I was harder on her for not cleaning up because she was one of the few children not being a hellion all day and I was stressed out because nobody told me what to do with 15 first graders and so I got mad at her and she sin't like me the rest of the day. This has also been eating at me.
With all these new chapters opening and old ones closing, I looked back on the last 10 years of my life today during psychology and these are the highlights- some are more important and eventful than others.

2000- The year I was class president
2001- The year I learned to worry
2002- The year my sister got married
2003- The year of academic over-achievement
2004- The year I learned my faith requires action
2005- The year I became an aunt
2006- The year I learned I was a leader
2007- The year I had an awesome group of friends (or what seemed like it at the time)
2008- The year of learning not to be miserable
2009- The year I fell in love
2010- The year of learning about myself

give it everything or give it nothing at all

I think I want a waterbed at some point in my life.
I'm on the brink of declaring a major, but I don't know what that means for where I go and what I do next year.
I'm dropping my nursing class.
Im going to do interdisciplinary studies- basically you pick and choose classes from three minors to create a major
Business.
Marketing.
Electronic Media Production.
If I don't try this now, I never will.
Nursing is what I would want to do to make money. To be safe.
The music industry is something I want to do period.
I want to try something unsafe while I still feel like I can do anything, while my dreams are at their peak, and before reality gets the best of me.
So there ya go. There's my resolve. My last ounce of it for today.
Good night.

britney spears' uterus

These are things I've been loving lately. really, just the ipod and granola bars but the other things were on the bench too. 

Aside from breaking my thumb, life's been pretty awesome. My flag football team is better than yours, hands down. And the job thing may or may not turn out to be ok. 

zits hard to type so I'm just going to Places and Faces one of my favoritest people ever and then get offa hurr.

This is Stevie Claire.

She's my niece.

A precious twin. A drama queen. Such a kind big sister to all 3... count them, yes, 3 little sisters. Incredibly knowledgeable in all she does. And she's about to be FIVE!

I love her with all my heart and I miss her dearly. She'll tell you what she thinks and what she knows.

After she states a fact she says, "Right, Andi?" And if you don't respond within exactly 2 seconds she says, "ANDI SAY RIGHT!" She's an expert chef and will help with anything. 

Two stories about her and then I'll be off.

When we were taking this picture I was being her "girl" while Macey was my "mommy sister" She was grazing my face with her hands saying, "You're so precious, Andi"

Then, back when she was itty bitty, probably about 8 months old... The girls were at my house and Stevie WOULD NOT go to sleep. Everyone was fed up and wanted her to stop screaming. I gave it a go. I took her back to my parents bedroom in the pink leather rocking chair (yes, its ugly) and rocked her for about 2 hours singing "Don't Know Why" until she finally fell asleep. As did I. 

I like to think this experience is why Stevie knows that song so well and demands me to sing it more than any of the other girls. 

Goodnight.

DAAAANNNNGG

It's been one of those nonstop days. A day where I feel like I've been going for so long that I don't know if its this Friday or last Wednesday. Tomorrow and the next day will be the same. But I like the mix. The mix of lazy Saturdays and busy, busy Tuesdays. I got a job today, which is a blessing and a curse. It will eat up most of my day-time free-time but also allow me some extra money for the exciting nightlife that I plan on experiencing these next few months.
Recently, I've been writing out prayers. When I go to do it, its like I have nothing else to say but thank you's to God. I have to say, its an awesome place to be. I never thought college would be this blissful. Sure, my classes are tough. I've already done more work than I did my entire senior year. But... its already incredibly rewarding just in the people I've met. I've learned that being nice to someone you don't necessarily consider your "BFF" isn't being two faced. Just be polite. You get a lot more response from everyone. I've learned that I'm a go-getter. I can't rest until its done. Whatever "it" is. Its sort of unfortunate for big projects like photoshop and essays because an essay that I just HAVE TO get done in a one hour time slot is going to be a lot suckier than an essay that I have the patience to look over for a few days and revise. But still. Also, I'm in the process of making my first ever resume! To send to some radio stations to get some internships this summa! Whew! This was a long one. But, I'm extra-specially grateful to my family for every life experience they ever gave me to give me a successful transition to college! I am soooo blessed!
Now...
A Recipe! that I wish I could make and eat right now!
I made this cookies this past Christmas and they taste like Christmas in a cookie. I know its a little off season, but its also from the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/peppermint-chocolate-sandwich-cookies-recipe/index.html

Vertical Pink Highlighters

I'm going to start a couple of series on here. Did you know theres no plural form of series?
I looked it up. I'm going to start three series today and then I'll add one or two as I build on the other ones.

First...

Places and Faces- where I want to go and people I want to see.

Today... 

Segments of Songs- I think about my life in lyrics a lot since I'm not creative enough on my own. I'll write down these little tidbits, thoughts and feelings to ponder, and maybe even review some new CDs I get and such.

In light of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers being in Tulsa on Thursday, and me not being able to go. Go listen to some of their songs. The lyrics are timeless, simple, and catchy.

"Don't Do Me Like That" is a personal favorite

AND

Can you say LOVE?- pictures and ramblings and whatnot of people and things I enjoy having in my life. 

This is my hall. I love my hall and all the beautiful girls in it. I love the smell, all mingled together outside but once you enter the individual rooms, you get a mix of each girl's particular smell. Its different. It doesn't smell like home. BUT... you learn that different is okay and you learn to appreciate the other girls and where they come from.

Now... Check it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmnimOoJeJ4

it was in my recommended on youtube

you have to watch it all to feel the complete and utter awkwardness he brings you.

Peace and blessin's

Sooo

I guess I'm gonna blog. I'm excited. I just spent a weekend at home and now I'm about to go back to school. I already miss my hall and the independence that taking out your own trash gives you. Fun times. Now, a song that I will most likely put on repeat for my drive back.

So Good To Me by Cory Asbury

Oh, and I cut and dyed my hair last night :)