Knowledge

Some days I just want this. No more school. Just this. I could stop and I could do this and I swear I would love it. I could do this and it would be all I ever wanted and more. It is a noble journey, an extremely difficult one, and probably one of the best things that life has to offer.

But then I get all sweaty and feel suffocated. Because I start to think... What will it all mean? My hours of labor, my time spent in class when I would rather be baking cupcakes and having babies. My tears, frustrations, grades. It will be pointless. No. Not for the reason you think. Not because of all the hard work going to waste being a homemaker, because really, I do not believe that studying day in and day out over qualifies me to raise a family. Moms are intelligent, should be hard workers, are qualified to get an education. No. It will go to waste because of what I did with my knowledge. After struggling with these things, after learning so much, after finding out that nothing was what I had thought, after being convicted repeatedly to chase after changing this damned place, it would be an utter, complete, wretched way to waste everything I have learned and all the illness, pain, and poverty there is, to not continue down this path. A path that I believe to be more difficult and less desireable. It's not about how much I know or the power of my mind or any selfish, shallow thing like that. It's about what I do with what I know. They say ignorance is bliss. Well, ignorance is ignorance. But knowledge... Knowledge is whatever you choose to do with it.
So, with my knowledge, I choose to do both.

Hopefully,
Andi