something

I was just thinking about this semester, what's happened and what hasn't happened.
About 15 weeks ago, we were given these step logs for wellness. One to turn in for each week. I remember looking at that stack of papers and turning in the first one, thinking, "only 14 more to go" and thinking it would be forever before I turned the last one in.

I turned the last one in today.

I feel like I've been everywhere, and nowhere all at once.
     I've been to Dallas twice, St. Louis, Spearman, all down I40 and back going home and coming back                  here. And at the same time I feel stuck like a pin, with little to show for what I've done.
I've conquered the world and I've done absolutely nothing.
     I've officially kicked my anxious, stressful ways and moved on to enjoying life instead of fearing what might be, but I can think of no one that I've helped or impacted in a big way this semester.
So many things conflict all at once that I feel balanced, and yet completely out of whack.
The first semester of college, done, almost. And I did my best for the most part.
I only have to do that 7 more times, and just like the step logs, I'll put my last semester in before I know it and wonder what I did that mattered that entire time.

Things came together for me this year, in a lot of big ways.
     I found a place where I can be social and love the people I'm around every single day.
Its also fallen apart in some things that I never thought I'd lose.
     I've had to let go of two things that have taken up most of my time and shaped the last two years of my life.
I've made life altering mistakes, and decisions I never thought I would make, are now resolved.
     Let's not forget my first college blunder- doing a crappy job on that stupid photoshop assignment because I was so frustrated, turning it in half done, thereby lowering my grade a letter. And my big college triumph- declaring a major!
Sort of sad that I have to write about my first semester saying, "I don't really know what to think about it"
Sad, and exciting to have to figure it out.


I can say that I love this place, these people, the direction things are heading, and I appreciate the people that had a place in getting me to this point all the more.

                                          The only picture I have of my first week of college.

A picture from last week