maybe this post will turn out to be universally applicable but its really only meant for my specific situation so

sorry about that.

I've got time. I have time to figure out the reasons that I should hold back from throwing myself wholeheartedly, all of my being,  into the things I want. So forgive me if I am not thinking of those reasons right now.

I don't want to think about what will hurt if it doesn't work out. I don't care about what I will miss in pursuit of these things. I'm talking about a determined feeling that I only get every once in a while. Something that can only be expressed as an aggressive "Get that."

Sometimes, you do it. You go for what you feel. You do it and you don't know why or how you did it, why you wanted it in the first place. And then you look back and see that THAT was the hand of God, guiding it, blessing it, showing you that this is what He wanted for you all along. Its hard to find the path that God wants for you by looking out into the world for a sign of what you should do. And its hard to find because He puts it in you, he makes you do things for a reason, disguising it as a "feeling" or a "drive." Its been there all along.

So that is what I will do.

and yet...

I'm back at school again and in some ways it feels like I never left.
Its weird how much this place feels normal when about 5 months ago, I had no idea what it would be like.
Christmas break feels like a blur, when just two weeks ago, it felt like it was the only thing I was living for.
I feel like I'm learning so much, coming to so many revelations at once that I don't know what to do with any of them.
My drive back here was an interesting one because of this. Every song I put on, had something that I related to and I had a whole bunch of thoughts and things that I turned into determination to do certain things differently. Every song seemed to be exactly what my heart was saying and my mind was full of so many things that I have forgotten a lot of what I was supposed to do when I stepped out of the little world I had made in my car for two hours and got back to real life.
Sigh.

"Used to want time to run so quickly
Now crawling is fine
Cause the older I get the more
I see I need every moment
To let my roots grow down deep" - Jillian Edwards

just a dream

There's all these memories in my mind, and I'm reminiscing the good times.
Smiling faces, sunny days, full of spirit and lacking in cares.
2010 was chock full of memories.
It was the year of my high school graduation.
The year of 9 needtobreathe concerts.
Weekends, birthdays, holidays, summer nights.
The year that love came and went, came again and went again.
A cheer to all the victories 2010 brought for me.
A year of sweet dreams, butterflies, holding hands, skipping, wind-in-your-hair kind of moments.
A year of my best friends and family.
A year of college nights, getting to know people of all different backgrounds.
Embracing, understanding, respecting, and loving the differences between us all.
The year I learned that I can do anything, get through anything, and come out stronger on the flip side.

I'd like to travel back down a few roads I came to in 2010, correct some mistakes, build on this past year to make the next one even better- but other than that, the year is tucked away, under my belt, and I look back on it with the fondest of thoughts and wonder what the next one holds for me and all the wonderful people in my life.