maybe this post will turn out to be universally applicable but its really only meant for my specific situation so

sorry about that.

I've got time. I have time to figure out the reasons that I should hold back from throwing myself wholeheartedly, all of my being,  into the things I want. So forgive me if I am not thinking of those reasons right now.

I don't want to think about what will hurt if it doesn't work out. I don't care about what I will miss in pursuit of these things. I'm talking about a determined feeling that I only get every once in a while. Something that can only be expressed as an aggressive "Get that."

Sometimes, you do it. You go for what you feel. You do it and you don't know why or how you did it, why you wanted it in the first place. And then you look back and see that THAT was the hand of God, guiding it, blessing it, showing you that this is what He wanted for you all along. Its hard to find the path that God wants for you by looking out into the world for a sign of what you should do. And its hard to find because He puts it in you, he makes you do things for a reason, disguising it as a "feeling" or a "drive." Its been there all along.

So that is what I will do.