It wasn't easy. And it took a while to get to this point. But I did and I am here. Shamefully posting on here after a dreadful lack of commitment to this blog that a very small number is likely to care about.
But, the semester wasn't easy either. I was driving back to school late one night by myself, and I had the absolutely treasonous thought of "
I would rather be a B student that gets to go home and spend time with family and go to concerts and have fun, than be an A student that doesn't." Ideally I would be able to have both but how often do you get to have it all? Not very often. But looking back, I can honestly say that I'm glad I can pull B's and do most of what I want to do (I do have to restrain myself in favor of studying sometimes). If only my post grad school of choice will see things my way. I'm hoping that I am able to keep my sanity and make a more well rounded person of myself by having diverse interests and trying to have fun.
I skipped a lot of journaling this semester. Something I've been doing since I was eight, consistently. I write my journals to the Father and this semester my prayers and thoughts went unwritten. Somewhere along the way, it lost priority and I wanted to go into my Cornerstone class, where we talk about being a Christian and a Scientist and scream, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! I STUDY FOR ALL THIS CLASS CRAP AND NOW I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WRITE TO GOD!" But I knew the fault was my own, so I didn't. It just seemed like what was required to make a good grade in my classes was not conducive to me being a balanced, polite, patient, and well-rested individual.
Enough whining about this semester. Its over. As can be clearly seen from the lack of nursing majors complaining on my Facebook newsfeed. Peace. Sweet, sweet peace.
Now, the great big fat point I want to make...
I guess the point is more of something I want to reiterate to myself more than any of you but,
Get used to taking the long way. The hard way. The road less travelled.
Just get used to it. Don't spend so much time fretting over how awfully long and hard and treacherous your "way" (whatever it may be) is. Because "easy"only comes to those with endurance and strength to take on a task. That's why its "easy" to them. Their strength and endurance came from taking the difficult road, probably repeatedly. Does that make sense?
I was being incredibly profound one night and thought of this because of what else? Running!
I was on a particularly crappy run where my foot was requiring too much limping for any kind of run to be successful. I sputtered on though. I started lengthening my stride which made the foot pain more intense initially, but it kept me from babying my gait. It eventually got to where it was tolerable and I kept on until I got back to the entrance to my neighborhood. There's two streets that lead to my house. Essentially its a longer way and a shorter way. Not like miles, probably less than two minutes difference running. I wanted to stop. To be instantaneously home. Really bad. My foot still hurt, and my lungs weren't used to the new speed my foot was allowing me.
But then I remembered my story. My story so completely full of mediocrity and failures. But really its my story of my Savior turning it all into a story of redemption and victory and grace. The story where I'm supposed to suck, for Him to be glorified. My story where I stink at defeating sin and give up and then stick my tongue out in defiance to anyone who thinks they're better than me. The story where I feel like I'm at the bottom, humbled and begging for help, but then I come to a choice. A choice I have in any sort of circumstance, where it hurts. It hurts so bad.
Its hard, so very very hard.
I don't want any more of any of it. I'm done with difficult.
And something in my heart asks, "Are you done here? Are you going to quit? Are you going to snap back at this person or are you going to show them love? Are you going to fight this even though its hard or are you done?"
Friends, too often. I tell the voice I'm done. Its. Too. Hard.
And I know its so entirely stupid because the battle has already been won and I am deemed victorious.
So why do I stop short? Why do I expect easy, when I want nothing more than to be strong and endure?
That's the entire point of running after all. I'm switching back and forth between running and life, I know, but bear with me. My running story is the same way, that's why I drew the parallel while I was running. Ask anyone if I'm actually a good runner and they'll probably laugh and ask what your definition of "good" is.
But I've had the health issues, the mental psyche issues, and now injury issues with running. In other words, I'm at the bottom. But, I can still tell you that when I'm on a run- hurting and wanting to die- that if I can push it aside and just keep going. Something happens. Where your mind and body get on the same page finally and they both start exuding victory. Your mind finally says, "Okay, the body's got this, so I can calm down the alarms that scream STOP YOU'RE HURTING ME!" And the body just pounds out this wave of power. Victory. No matter what. Even the bad runs.
When I remembered my story, I took the long way back. And then I looped around again and again. And I didn't die like I thought I would. I didn't feel my foot anymore until I finished. I took the long way, went inside caught my breath and then thought, "There now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"
Because, duh, nothing seems hard to do when you've already done it.
Boom. Roasted. There's my point again. So just do it. And then the next thing isn't so hard anymore.
Jesus told us to take the long way. Go one step further. Actually He says that if someone forces you to go with them a mile, go with them two. And a mile is a lot longer than a step.
But He knows you can do it ;) Victory.
I didn't write down a resolution but I guess that would be it. I'm going to take the longer, harder way, in running and in my Christian walk through this life. To God be the glory.